Let’s Get Real
There you are, rocking in your new gig, following MLK’s lead to “be all that you can be” and there’s someone preventing you from being your best self. Whether it’s the office gossip or the creepy person who just doesn’t get it, the problem is real. Whereas I wish you could experience work as just work and work in a culture who values you for what you offer, reality strikes. There are some places that just don’t have the best environment. Here are some examples and how to handle them, from Colonel Candid, who’s been there and done that.
First scenario: The GOSSIP….wow oh wow, can this person talk. I mean they know everything about everyone. You begin by over hearing them speak in the break room or in the hallway. They always seem to have someone cornered. They’ll start talking about sports or entertainment and then nosedive into, “did you hear…” Yes, it’s that slippery slope that you want no part of. So, take it from me, a break is necessary every now and again but if you notice this giant time suck of a person is not only distracting you from work, politely walk away. Second, if you’re noticing that they are bringing up co-workers or teammates in a manner unfitting to what you see as healthy, say something. This is where it’s important to have a backbone.
Second scenario: The WANTS TO REALLY GET TO KNOW YOU…yes, it happens and it’s best to be ready. What happens when someone just doesn’t get the polite way you’ve said “no thank you” to coffee and multiple unwanted advances? Of course, we’re never in that blissful position where we can candidly just let loose because of course, it’s business. Aside from ignoring and ghosting someone, you’ve got to take a stand. The best advice I can give is set the line and don’t let that person cross it. If you’ve been there and you know the person has cased you for coffee AGAIN, here’s a solution.
Turn the table and say “...you must think I’m a coffee addicted person as you keep extending offers for coffee! Then go into the, ‘I’m pretty strict with my time. You know time is money. If you want to do some investing into my business, I’m all ears. Otherwise, I don’t think coffee is on the table.’” Then you’ve established a don’t go there, do not cross line.
Now, if you fit into the above category, it’s time to look in the mirror. Sometimes reflecting on your habits will help you become a better person. There’s a time and place for everything but gossip and solicitation for dates at work are just not cool (ref. 1990s slang).
You’ve got this and people will notice that you’re not a limp noodle. Keep pushing forward with your work and find your greatness.
In Defense of Office Gossip:
ReplyDeleteOffice gossip can be toxic, counterproductive, and degrade morale. It can also save your career. It gave me a few weeks advanced notice that my position was on the chopping block. I used that time to find another job, again through informal relationships. Had I waited to hear the inevitable announcement through official channels, I would have been on an unemployment line. Had I not talked it over with a friend (spreading the rumor), I wouldn’t have gotten the call about another opportunity. My (former) management team waited until the last possible moment.
Every battalion I ever served in disbanded. One of my former employers is no longer in business. Another radically transformed its business to endeavors that did not require my skillset. Change is going to happen. You have to prepare for it by being aware.
In a large bureaucracy, gossip is social currency. Senior leaders hate gossip. I don’t blame them. It directly subverts their ability to control the narrative. In describing his own zero tolerance policy about gossip, Dave Ramsey defined it as when a negative is discussed with anyone who cannot solve the problem. By implication, a worker bee who cannot solve a problem directly are blind to negatives going on around them, including developments that directly impact their lives.
Gossip festers most in an organization where basic trust has broken down, when team members no longer have confidence in their leaders to make fair decisions, and when formal communication becomes ineffective. I’ve worked in the same organization for over a decade. Nearly every promotion has generated some gossip. Why? Because the internals of the section process are never formally communicated to the workforce.
Pro Tip: If you only have time for one friend at the office, make sure that person is a smoker. Even in 2020, “Tobacco Talk” is an inescapable fact of life. The smoker’s club is an informal group that often crosses traditional organizational boundaries, and it meets every single day, rain or shine. My father and father-in-law both died of lung cancer, so I am not condoning tobacco use. I never worked at a place that had a water cooler. People take drink coffee at their desks. The tobacco network exists, regardless if you participate in it or not.
The perpetually positive frown upon office politics, social cliques, rumors, and gossip without ever taking the time to consider how they may have benefited from informal information. A clique is usually understood as a group that one is excluded from, so that has a negative connotation. Several times I have been treated with disdain because it’s just assumed that I am a part of a service academy clique. A rumor can be a warning. I heard a rumor that a pastor had a criminal record. Paid a few dollars to a state criminal database and confirmed it. There is a fine line between a mentorship and favoritism. Did my mentor play favorites when he hired me?
The bottom line is this: Do you trust your management team more or less than your peers? Where are your loyalties? If you trust your managing team more, then avoid rumors. You have access to more reliable information than the stereotypical office gossip. But if the opposite is true, recognize that’s a terrible situation and that you and your peers have to look out for each other. Keep each other informed. Share information. It may be your best defense.