You Can Have It All, Just Not All The Time

When you’re beginning work, Colonel Candid will provide you with some great advice given to me by a dear friend. When I started off, a mentor told me, “you can have it all, you just can’t have it all, all the time.” What I mean by that folks is that you’re going to be a part of a juggling act. There are many things that you juggle in life. Starting your first job you have to figure out your priorities and what you can handle. Most people at some point add a spouse and then add a child and/or children. At this point the advice really comes into play because you’ve got it all and your juggling like mad. Life becomes blissfully exhausting.


There are times when your spouse needs much of your focus, say an illness in the family, and you’ll feel that impact at work. Understand that most people have gone through this and it’s important to have friends to share this with. Other times your children require your focus, this is so true when they are little, and your spouse and work feel the impact. That doesn’t mean that you cannot do it all, just that everything isn’t top priority. I found this out firsthand when attempting to start my PhD, while raising two young children and amidst a really rocky marriage. There were times when the balls began dropping and those glass balls (aka my two kids) couldn’t drop. Here I couldn’t have it all and something had to go….good-bye doctoral degree.


As a mentor I’d tell you that my life quickly became easier and my priorities aligned once that tough decision was made. Hard decisions in life occur for most of us and by really looking at what’s important to you there’s clarity. You can do this by writing a list of family priorities, values, impact statements, or having a family vision. You can join the great number of couples who go to therapy, work with life coaches, or simply enjoy a date night to discuss what’s important. Remember there are so many options out there for you but you’ve got to look in the mirror and admit to yourself what’s important. A really clear way to see what’s important, both in business and in life, is to follow the money. Where you vote with your dollar is critical because that demonstrates your priorities. Another great indicator of importance is where you spend your time. The saying that time is money, reverts to the previous statement and again demonstrates what’s important to you is where you spend both time and money. Because again, you can have it all, get after it in life, knowing that there will be a couple of bumps in the road where you can’t have it all, all the time.


The bumps lead me to provide you with one of my key mentor point. You should know that there’s no such thing as balance. My comparison for you is to compare life to surfing. For those of you blessed to have experience surfing, you’ll get this. If you haven’t, I totally encourage you to try it, just once in your life. Picture yourself riding a wave. When you stand up on your surfboard you go from laying flat to immediately standing up. When doing this there are multiple areas of pressure that you place on your feet and when it works, you stand up. Often you just get wiped out and the wave subsumes you, it’s both humbling and realistic. Other times you just don’t have any thrust, the conditions just aren’t right and the wave just aren’t coming. It’s just not your day and that’s okay because you get to enjoy being out on the water, enjoying the sun, and sitting on your board while you wait. Then comes the zen moment, those good days, when you have pods of dolphins in front of you, sea turtles jumping up next to you, a rainbow in the sky, and the perfect wave. Savor those days. That’s when all those things you juggle work in synchronicity. Whatever your zen moment is remember to keep searching for that “it” and find your greatness.